Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
