well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
