She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
