did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
