You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
