he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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