there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
