i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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