I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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