the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
