So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
