i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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