Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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