Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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