You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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