my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
