Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
either way he was missing a nipple.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
