she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
