3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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