I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
