she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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