all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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