We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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