How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
