Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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