why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
