East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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