If i come over, it means nothing
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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