even my farts smell like vagina
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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