today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
