she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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