i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
