I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
