i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
