her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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