A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
