you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
