He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
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I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
My vagina just clenched in fear
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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