Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
