that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
