I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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