True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
