My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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