mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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