the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
