well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Houston, we have a blender
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
