remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
