just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
