You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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