i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
