Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
