Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
