my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
