remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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