Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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