You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
