i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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