woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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