I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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