I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
