You're my little dorito
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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