I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
