Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
