apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
