Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
