sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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